Leaving an abusive relationship or marriage is usually a frightening and overwhelming process for a woman. It take most women injuries, fractured skull and comma to see that the best decision in Life is to flew from such marriag at that initial point.
There are so many women across the world who sit and suffer in silence, They don’t know a moment’s peace and they are worried that the only ‘strong protectors’ they can really count on are those out in the trenches, wearing bulletproof vests and packing weapons.
But I am here to tell you to remember that with the God’s love and authority, Jesus stepped right in the middle of hostile situations time and time again. He stepped in to confront and He stepped in to protect. And with His Spirit, He gives us the love and authority, Therefore in his mercy, God does not allow violence and oppression to continue unchecked. He eventually intervenes to execute His justice.
But alway remember that at this stage walking with God taking practical steps you must take first inorder to ensure you and your kids are safe should be your priority.
Step One: Recognize the need for change in your life- Many women feel trapped, anxious, afraid, and helpless. Some feel they are to blame that if they could just do better at pleasing their husbands, while most suffer in silence, hiding their situations from family and friends because of the shame and embarrassment they feel. Or perhaps they fear others will not believe them.
However, A women do not stay in abusive relationships because they like being abused. Nor is it true that only weak, helpless women are caught up in abusive relationships. These are just myths. Many women involved in abusive relationships are strong, capable women, but over time have been weakened by domestic abuse. In fact, it is often the strongest women who will stay the longest, because they are determined not to give up, convinced that they can change or fix their relationship.
But the truth remains that, You do not deserve to be abused, nor are you to blame for the abuse that you have suffered. Abuse of any type is wrong, and if you are in an abusive situation, the first step toward new life and freedom is to recognize that there is a need for a change in your life. Change can be difficult, and in some cases, change can be frightening. However, in any type of an abusive situation, change is absolutely necessary for your own well being.
Step Two: Seek outside help and guidance-Do not try to make changes on your own. You will need help during the recovery process, and you will need help as you address the abuse in your marriage relationship.
This is a great time to strengthen your support base of key relationships in your life–your pastor, family members, friends, and others. These relationships may be estranged if your husband has isolated you from them. These people can be of great help to you; they can provide a listening ear, a place to go, financial support, and many other things in your time of need. They also can help provide safety if the situation is dangerous.
Step Three: Move toward personal recovery by establishing a strong relationship with God-Living in an abusive situation is not God’s will for your life. He loves and cares for you, and desires that you experience His love, His peace, His joy, and the abundant life that only He can give. John 10:10 says, “The thief comes only to steal, and kill, and destroy; I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly.”
This is a God who is interested in having a close personal relationship with us. Just read the words of Jeremiah 29:11-12
“For I know the plans that I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you.” Now is the time to begin that relationship if you never have before. John 3:16 states, “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.”
Being abused by the man you love can cause many deep wounds, psychologically, emotionally, spiritually, socially and physically. Everyone has a need to be loved, respected, valued, trusted, understood, and needed. In an abusive situation, those needs are not being met, and you begin to feel worthless.
God looks at you through different eyes, however. As one of His children, you are loved and accepted by God, today. As Jeremiah 31:3 tells us, “I have loved you with an everlasting love … ”
When you begin to see your worth as God sees it, you view life from a totally different light. You realize that you are made in His image, and that your life has unique purpose and is worth living to the fullest. You begin to realize God has given you strengths, talents and abilities to use in His service. You feel confident and secure about who you are apart from anyone else, and you don’t have to worry excessively about what others think.
Step Four: Determine your level of danger and develop a safety plan- Now that you have acknowledged the problem and realize that there is a need for change in your life, you must determine whether or not your safety is at risk as you attempt to live free of fear, violence, and intimidation.
If you fear for your safety, do not stay in an abusive situation because your husband has promised to get help. Get yourself and your children to safety first, and then encourage him to seek the help he needs. Leaving, and staying away until this happens, may give him the motivation he needs to take such a big step in his life.
If you are staying in the home out of fear, or if your husband’s words or behavior is becoming more and more threatening you need to work out an immediate safety plan. you will need to plan where to keep keys, clothes, medications, and important documents; what to do with your children; where you will go if you have to leave suddenly, and much more. You may need to choose a safe, protected environment where you can be kept hidden from your husband.
Step Five: Move toward reconciliation- One of the most important questions you will ask yourself as you journey toward recovery from abuse is, “Is there hope for my marriage?” Many of your friends and family may tell you to get a divorce, that reconciliation is all but impossible.
Reconciliation in cases of domestic violence is a long and difficult process. But God is the God of reconciliation. He can shine light on even the darkest of hearts.
In many cases, a wife will need to separate (perhaps for months or even years) from her husband in order to ensure her safety, recover from her ordeal and then pursue reconciliation. But before turning to divorce, give reconciliation a chance.
Many batterers will have difficulty recognizing or admitting they have a problem. To change, they must first recognize the behavior, admit it, and truly desire to change. This kind of repentance is possible when God is at work in the heart.
Remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. He will have a long road ahead of him that will require some hard times, a lot of work, and a great deal of courage. However in the long run, if he perseveres and leans upon the Lord to change him, he will gain a new sense of self, a strengthened sense of his identity in Christ, and he will learn how, through the power of the Holy Spirit, to exercise self-control as he interacts with you and others day to day. He will learn how to relate to women in healthy ways, and he will eventually experience freedom from a life of shame, guilt, and hopelessness.
Woman should nolonger be deceived or compelled to stay in an abusive marriage because there is a misinterpretation of his word where he said that adultery is the only biblical grounds for divorce, When God spoke about divorce in the Bible, he was usually speaking to men with a heart to protect women. In Malachi 2:16 the men of Israel are whining to God about why He wasn’t responding to their dramatic prayers and offerings. God responds, “I’ll tell you why!” and proceeds to chew them out for making a great show of religion while at the same time overwhelming their wives with cruelty.
The bottom line is, God is Love and Love always protects (1 Corinth 13:7). Break the Sice and confront your fears because our silence is costly and only the living has the previlage to speak.
“So I will rescue my flock, and they will no longer be abused.” –Ezekial 34:22 (NLT).