I’m a regular young lady with decent looks (…who am i kidding, i’m gorgeous!!!) and an interesting personality. I have likes and dislikes like every other person and I try to be my own person and not ‘follow the trend’. Well these days, in my circle of friends and family, the ‘trend’ seems to be ‘out of the blue’ weddings and strong as my resolve not to follow the trend is, I catch myself daydreaming about white dresses, rings and bouquets every so often.
I really do not blame girls who suddenly call off long-term relationships because their friends are getting married and they don’t think bae is serious, there’s something about weddings that’s kind of infectious, you stand in as the maid-of-honour or a bride’s-maid at one and you start planning yours instantly. It’s default for us women, and even some men. We all want our romance, our happy ending. What we fail to realise is that the wedding is not a happy ending,… it’s a beginning.
Some facts you should take into consideration and questions you should ask yourself before saying yes (or forcing him to pop the question).
▪The wedding is just a ceremony. It will be beautiful, you’ll be happy and excited. Your friends will be there, they’ll envy you, all the attention will be on you, you’ll get tons of presents and well wishes. But the wedding will end and the real deal which is the marriage will begin. And trust me it’s not all glitz, glamour and paparazzi, it takes work.
▪His will be the only mouth you’ll kiss for the rest of your life. There will be no one else. Are you certain, he’s The One?
▪He may be rich, romantic and good-looking now, but with time these things could fade, be sure that your love for him isn’t built on these things, if not the marriage will last just a little longer than the wedding.
▪When he talks about his plans for the future, can you see yourself in them? Not just marriage, do your dreams, goals and aspirations fit in with his, or will they be choked? Does he leave room for you to grow? Does he encourage you to make your dreams a reality? Or does he want a stay-home, always-available-when-I-need-her wife?
▪ You will spend the rest of your life (which is about 70 – 80 years, depending), loving, serving, sacrificing and bearing kids for this man. Is he worth it?
▪Are you ready to submit to him, let him take the lead?
▪ You have a lifetime to spend with this man. In the space of this time, he will annoy you and irritate you a million times and you can’t leave, you have to stick with him for better or worse. Can you handle that?
▪You’ll become a wife and subsequently, a mother. The job description for these two offices requires you to be super woman, prayer warrior, slave and genius. You will have to be strong enough to handle any situation, smart enough to judge any case reported to you, gentle and firm enough to raise praise worthy kids and still have time for your husband too. Can you handle all of this? Do you honestly think you are mature enough to build a home and raise children? If you can honestly say that you would like your kids to inherit your character, then you might just be ready for this job.
▪There will be pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding. You’ll add weight, your body will change, breasts will sag. Are you selfless enough to handle this? Can you manage being a mother and a wife? Can you create a balance between house chores, motherhood, and marriage?
▪ You will need to make out time for exercising, to keep your body in shape and keep your husband attracted to you. If you can’t, do you think he loves you enough to remain faithful and accept you the way you are?
▪ Building a home takes sacrifice, self sacrifice. You may have to give up your dreams, your needs, your excesses for the sake of family. Do you think you’ve reached the stage where you can gladly put yourself last and every other person before you? Have you achieved enough with your life, so that if you don’t get the chance to do more, you’ll still have stories to tell your kids?
▪In the course of your marriage, things might go wrong. There are so many evils in the world today; drugs, sex, alcohol, etc. Can you two stick together no matter what? Or is it just about the fabulous wedding?
Think about this, don’t be so busy planning the wedding that you forget what’s really important. Look at the big picture, make sure that you are ready for the marriage that comes after the wedding and meanwhile, enjoy your single status, you’ll be married for a very long time.