‘Friend Zone’ is a term gotten way back in the 1990s, 1994 to be exact, from an American sitcom ‘Friends’ in the episode called “The one with the blackout”, bet you didn’t know that.
Friend zoning is simply when one person (mostly guys) is trapped in a platonic relationship with someone they are pining for in a romantic or sexual way, friend zoning simply put is a commitment mismatch.
This mismatch can come in two ways ‘The Bestfriend‘ and ‘The Friends With Benefits‘.
The Bestfriend: This situation is most common with guys let’s look at it shall we, “Tom likes Cassie and decides that being friends is the best way to get her to like him, so Tom starts doing everything for Cassie. He takes her places, buys her things, listens to all of her problems, and helps her out. Tom, however, neglects to state his intentions Cassie. Cassie, doesn’t over examine this relationship because she’s having all of her “boyfriend” needs met by Tom, without all the dating drama. She can be free, without commitment, and still enjoy all the Boo Benefits.” That is why Tom is in the friend zone.
The Friends With Benefits: A lot of girls fall into this trap all too often without even knowing it “Sally meets this really cool dude ‘Jude’ and mother of all wows, he talks to her, she’s overwhelmed by the fact that of all the girls he picked her. They hang out and before she knows it they are doing the big IT. Sally, is having s*x with this guy in hopes that it builds commitment and will develop a real relationship with the guy. Jude in all fairness doesn’t know this and is just having a good time, without commitment needs or strings. This isn’t in Sally’s favour and not what she intended but she has already given up her bargaining chips. Therefore, she’s stuck in the friend zone.
A relationship is like an open market, you have to bargain your heart out to come out the winner, the friend zone theory is born out of the saying “whoever feels less is the boss in a relationship “, when bargaining, you don’t let the other party know how much she/he means to you, keep your cards close to you till the game ends.
Ways to stay away or Escape the friend zone
This is a controversial topic and mind you, what works for one person might not necessarily work for you, also keep an open mind, sometimes if it’s not working, you have to let go and move on, no matter how hard it is, it can’t be worse than being stuck in a relationship where your not appreciated.
Pull your hearts out of your sleeves : Some people walk around with their hearts on their sleeve, you like this person, that’s good but don’t be needy and clingy about it, confidence and self control is still the biggest turn on. Make it obvious that you like her, then give her, her space.
Mr nice guy: This is when you overdo the “am here for you” scene, from the start let her know how you feel, so your actions won’t be mistaken as you being friendly, get touchy feely (that is don’t be afraid to reach out for her hands or slightly brush her arms, when talking to her), look into her eyes when paying her a compliment. WARNING: there is a very narrow line between normal and creepy be careful not to cross it.
Sorry am busy: Don’t be the always available guy, even if you don’t have anything to do, go out with friends, it will help keep you focused and you meet people. This will give you space to ask yourself if you really want to take the next step in your relationship, for the people who have been friends before emotions started cropping up, be sure it isn’t closure drawing you to her, two best friends becoming lovers can be a beautiful thing and it can also be a disaster.
Lean on me: Give he/her more responsibilities in the relationship, don’t always be the shoulder they lean on or leans on, No! Once in a while be the one doing the leaning, the one with tears for them to wipe, confide in them, get them to help you run to the grocery, it can be anything as far as it gets them to spare you a bit of their time and attention.
One of us: That sound cute right? Trust me it’s not. In you bid to be accepted don’t sit around gisting and exchanging relationship tips with her friends or tagging along with his friends for every football game that makes you one of the guys/girls and soooo doesn’t help your Friend zone situation.
Meet my FRIEND: Give he/she some competition, you don’t fight for what’s yours, you fight for what you want to have. This is petty we know but jealousy is still one of the greatest motivations and it’s a good way to know how she feels, if she doesn’t feel even a twinge, then swty, she’s really happy just being friends.
When following these steps look out for body languages and mood swings as they will help you gauge if their is any effect or change in your friendship but remember above all else IF YOU LOVE HER, JUST TELL HER,take the leap and pray you don’t break something.