This caption can only be used online, because if i said this to any lady to her face, the least i’ll get would be a shoe flung at me. But please try to read down and let us see if we can make any sense of this.
“It didn’t mean anything“. I believe that should be by far the most common response of the man who has just been caught pants down.
The question ladies don’t just get is, how could it not mean anything? It always means something and when it happens, you will have to face the full wrath of her fury.
That is what i am going to try to explain today. Mind you, in no way do i support infidelity or do i condone it from any party, but i just want to throw a little light on whether it actually means something or not.
Many times i have heard ladies ask, “So it’s ok for him to cheat, but when a lady does the same, she is crucified? If you think a guy should be forgiven because it didn’t mean anything, then a lady should be forgiven just as fast”…. Well, technically no!
Let us start from understanding that Men and Women are not the same. We just belong to the same biological genus Homo sapiens. We have a different phenotypic appearance, different organs, (the ones we share are the same we share with other creatures in the same phylum and class), different hormones, a lot of things are different from the inside out, so naturally, our emotions are different, no matter how hard we try to believe it’s the same. It is not!
Let’s take for instance; the factors that are responsible for a human beings emotions and romance are controlled by his brain, his heart and his genitals.
For the purposes of this article, by brain, i mean intellect and intelligence, by heart i mean emotions and by genitals, i mean physical attraction and desire for sex. So for any relationship to work, these 3 parts of a human being must come to an agreement. Your brain does the maths, how it favours you and your life plans and everything material, your emotions feel it too, your heart gets warmed by the sight of this person, you enjoy their company and you really like them, then your south side is physically attracted to them too, like you really get turned on by this person. At least all 3 would ok it to a reasonably passable score, some points higher than the others, but you get the picture right?
Now in females, these 3 parts work in unison. Lets say a woman sees a guy and she is going to go all the way with him, her brain would think it through, the pros and cons, analyses him, does some sort of a feasibility assessment, then her heart approves too, because she’s really going to have to like him too and then also, she has to be physically attracted to him too. If any of these parts disagree, then it’s not pure. Heart and south side without brain is infatuation. Brain and heart without southside is that situation we normally see in women who meet really rich guys that they like but not attracted to or women who desperately want to get married and the do the arithmetic and settle for the guy they feel they are safe with but not necessarily attracted to, Brain and south side without heart is simply business. You catch my drift? So for a woman, all three must agree and work in unison.
For men, it doesn’t exactly follow that pattern. They have the same 3 determining factors. But they don’t work in unison. They split into two pathways and may sometimes run side by side, confusing even the male in question, sometimes into thinking they are running as a single unit. Actually, they are two units running at the same time. Or just one single unit/pair without the other.
A male can have a Brain and heart unit and/or a brain and southside unit.
No brain and heart connection.
So when a man sees a lady, his brain either activates the brain-heart unit, where the brain weighs the pros and cons, in much the same way the woman does, then the heart makes him like the person and even fall in love. Or he activates the brain-southside unit, which makes him think of the pros and cons of sex and how to get to it.
Like i said, sometimes he activates both, the brain-heart and the brain-southside. They’ll run as two separate units but at the same time, so it appears complete, brain, heart and southside connection, but it actually isn’t.
No man in a normal situation has a heart-southside connection. No man wants to make love to a woman only because he loves her. No matter how much a man loves a woman, if he is to chose between her and his fantasy girl for sex at that moment, he’ll chose his fantasy girl. His love is not connected to sex. He likes your butt separately and likes you separately. Sometimes, he can be loving you and liking your butt at the same time, but non has got nothing to do with the other.
They are separate units.
Now that being said, lets move on to the Limits of emotion law.
The limits of Emotions law states that, “There is a limit to which any emotion can be felt and cannot be exceeded or regenerated”
Let me explain.
There are few instances of regeneratable love, one being the love of a mother for her children. A mother can love 4 children equally, without her love for any of her kids affecting to the extent she loves the other. In some cases, there can be favorites, but its still possible to love all of the equally.
This doesn’t happen in the kind of emotion we use in relationships. There is a limit to which we can love someone and if we reach that limit, though it’s almost impossible, (except in cases like that of Romeo and Juliet), we would be unable to love another.
For the sake of convenience, let me grade this emotion on a scale of 0 – 100. Zero being indifference and 100 being crazy stupid love. (Like that of Romeo and Juliet). Remember, you can have negative emotions which now tip to the negative part of the emotion graph, -1 to -100. But we are going to focus on the neutral numbers.
Like I said, zero being indifference,10 maybe being someone you could turn and have a second look at, 30 being some level of attraction and likeness, 60 being enough emotions to start a relationship, 70 being love and ascends to 100 which is the almost impossible crazy stupid love (Like that of Romeo and Juliet). We’ll come back to this law later.
The Sex drive law states that, “In the absence of inebriation, intoxication, materialistic gains or thoughts of revenge, no normal woman would have sex with a man she does not at least feel an emotion total of 30 or more for”.
That is to say that no normal woman, in her clear senses would just have sex with any guy she is not at least minimally attracted to, except there are materialistic gains, or she is trying to achieve something other than the sex itself.
Au contraire, a man, because his heart is not connected to the southside, he does not require any form of emotion to have sex. He can have sex with someone, under normal circumstances, with zero emotion.
So when a lady in a loving relationship, lets sayshe feels, say 80 for her man, decides to play some naked soccer in another mans yard, she would at least feel 30 for that person. And because the rule of the limits of emotion limits her from feeling 30 because she only has 20 to spare, an extra 10 has to come off from what she feels for her man. So by the time she is done, she’ll realise she likes her man 70 now and the new guy 30. Her man would have dropped 10 emotional points.
Now, because 30 is enough for naked soccer for a female, chances are that, if she doesn’t put and end to it and exposes her self to a situation where she’ll do it again, she’ll do it again. And for every repeated act, chances of liking the guy more increases and it keeps coming out from whatever is left from what she feels for her man. If she does not feel sober and end it, a time would come when she’ll feel 50/50 for both. That’s when she gets confused and thinks she loves two people at the same time.
The truth is that we can never love two people at the same time because if you feel equal emotions for two people, then it has got to be 50 or less for each and 50 is not enough for love. So when you are sure you love two people at the same time, you don’t love either of them, period.
The more people you think you love at the same time, the more miniature what you feel for them becomes. You’ll have to play down the heart, play down the southside, accelerate the brain (or whatever your priorities in a relationship might be) pick the best candidate, stay away from the others and pool the tiny bits of emotions you have scattered together and start something meaningful with one person.
But let us not digress; let us get back to the guys.
Because a man does not require any form of emotion to play naked soccer, he can feel 80 or 90 for his partner, play naked soccer and come out feeling the same emotional score. Not losing even a single point. Hence the popular, “it didn’t mean anything” excuse. He didn’t intend to hurt you, he didn’t intend to hurt your relationship and most of all, he does not love you any less than he did before the soccer game.
He might even actually love you more. Why? Because the soccer was played with a female, who by the rules liked him at least 30 or more, with a potential for growth. So he had the chance to leave assuming the lady didn’t do it under the aforementioned conditions. But he didn’t, his brain came into play, he did the maths and still chose you, and came home. So as many times as he plays naked soccer with different teams and keeps coming back, the more he has brain matched you against someone and still chose you! Yaaaaay!
However, if his soccer game is now regular with just one person, then chances are that he might be straying emotionally or that she is one hell of a soccer player.
Understand that this does not mean that men can’t fall in love with someone else while in a relationship, but the extra-marital/relationship sex is unlikely to be the cause of the emotional stray, as the connection between the heart and the southside does not exist in a normal man. Extra-marital/relationship naked soccer might just be part of the manifestations of an already emotionally strayed man from another cause, not the cause for the straying.
To be continued…